Feeling overwhelmed? 4 ways to calm down, right now:
When you're stressed, depressed, or downright angry, you might not know what to do to calm yourself down quickly––yet, it's important to teach yourself this skill because the sooner you calm down, the sooner you'll feel better able to cope with the situation around you. In this article, you'll discover various ways to cope with strong emotions and calm yourself down. Above all, start with the mindset of knowing that you have control of how you choose to perceive the situation. All you need is a little help to convince your fight or flight responses to see it that way too.
Pay attention to your body
- Concentrate on proper breathing techniques. Breathe through your nose and out through your mouth. Take the air from your diaphragm (stomach region) and not just from your chest. This will regulate your body's reactions and help you to remain calm.
- Breathing into a paper bag was once thought to help curb hyperventilation and restore calmness. Experts now agree that this is somewhat dangerous and should be avoided. Deep, slow breathing is much better––besides, you don't need to find a paper bag either!
- Shake or shrug your shoulders to release tension. Exercise in general is a great way to release stress. But you may not be able to visit the gym every time you experience a stressful situation. Simply shake or shrug your shoulders to release the tension. Rolling your shoulders in a back-to-front motion is also a great way to beat the stress.
- Lie down or sit back in a safe place. Close your eyes and listen to slow music to take your mind off of emotional pressure. Let all the tension in your forehead, neck, and hands fade away slowly. Imagine every part of your body relaxing. Start with your toes and as you breathe, imagine them becoming one with the Earth. Try to be as still as possible.
Change your behavior
- Make it a goal to live more and stress less. Remember, you manage your to-do-list, your perception of the world and your feelings. Don't let your feelings and worries manage you!
- Always try to stay positive no matter what and remember that things happen that are beyond your control––you aren't here to master everyone and everything into perfect behavior or functioning; you're here to simply master your own behavior and reactions. Remind yourself that you're not the only person dealing with these issues when something difficult challenges your sense of calm. Others feel similar emotions and are trying to anchor their fears, worries and anxieties too.
- Avoid people who add stress to your life. Sometimes this isn't possible, but try your best to surround yourself with people who love you, don't judge you and who are willing to listen as much as you're willing to listen to them. Such people will nurture and support you. Otherwise, try and limit the time you spend around people who "wind you up", especially if you're highly sensitive to taking on board other people's emotions and issues. If you have to be around a stressful person often, learn to manage the situation––change your reaction to them, don't rise to any baiting they might practice and simply remain respectfully quiet if they lose the plot around you.
- Some people need to retreat from other people more often than others to rejuvenate (such as introverts, highly sensitive people, etc.). Give yourself this space and solitude regularly each day; over-socializing can be stressful without downtime.
- Think about the situation from a different perspective that doesn't result in you being so stressed. Consider the points of view of others around you. Consider the consequences by asking yourself "What's the worst that could happen?" This question is a common one used by life coaches to force people to think through the consequences of catastrophic thinking processes (the ones where we moan that everything is bad and it's all just going to get worse). When you force yourself to face the worst, you can simply work back from there and see things in perspective, as well as making plans to stop the "worst" from doing its worst.
- Take time to relax, meditate, or pray. Great peace comes through purposely focusing on quieting one's being without worrying about distractions of the world. Find a place where you can be alone and focus on yourself. Being mindful as a way of life is very calming and allows you to step aside from stressful events, even as they unfold, to assess them with clarity and gentleness.
- Visit a stream or river. Water has a meditative quality that often helps people calm down. If you live in the city, simply close your eyes and imagine that you're sitting by a stream of water in the woods. Next, try to imagine a leaf floating on the waterway. Think about where that leaf is going. This is a simple, but surprisingly effective, way of lowering your stress levels.
- A small indoor fountain can help to bring a sense of watery calm to your office or home environment.
- Carry a picture with you of an image that makes you feel calm in a crazy world. It should have scenes of nature, not people. Some people find images of water very calming. Carry this image in your purse, wallet, or briefcase, and keep it with you. When you sense you are getting anxious, use the calm image to look at while speaking aloud a positive affirmation. Place an appropriate photo image at your office desk or somewhere in your place of most activity, and look at it several times in the day while saying a positive affirmation like "Life may be crazy but I am calm throughout."
- Be strong and convince yourself that you are in control of your own choices and perception. You have the power to control the way you feel. Don't waste this power. Make the right choices in life and you'll be able to reap the rewards. And remember that not making a decision is still making a choice––the choice to let life do as it will to you.
- Don't get down on yourself. If you're having a bad day, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself good things. Say "You are smart, beautiful/handsome" to keep your confidence up. While we're hardwired to be concerned what others think about us, it's important to quell the voice that lets such worries dig in too deep––learn to not let other people bring you down by reminding yourself that most unhelpful criticism comes from other people's self-projections of what they're not liking about themselves. In other words, adopt compassion toward them for revealing so much to you about what's making them feel insecure.
Sing and dance
- Sing a happy song. Listening to music is a great way to change your mood. What's your favorite song? Play it on the stereo and sing along. You'll be surprised how good it makes you feel.
- Dance like no one is watching! Turn on the radio and start dancing. Good music has a magical quality that makes us live in the moment. Sometimes all you need to do is just think happy thoughts and move your feet.
- What is "good" music is personal. If you like Country & Western and your BFF prefers rock, so be it. It's just different tastes and you must rely on what you love most to bring you into a positive place.
Find something else to do
- Squeeze a stress ball, sponge, or other pliable object at least 50 times in a row. Stroke your pet rock/talisman or rub the thumb-slot on your executive pacifier stone. Play air guitar/drums and sound effects. Finding distracting activities that are tactile and focused will help to calm you quickly.
- Count to 10. Before you say something inappropriate, close your eyes and count to 10. Count to 20 if you need to. Even count to 100 if it's necessary. This is an easy and effective way to separate yourself quickly from a stressful situation.
- Express yourself in a journal. Try to write logically about how you feel. This is a good way to confront your emotions, especially if you're naturally inclined to write. And if things come out in a jumble, don't worry about it. Tear out the sheet of paper and throw it away. It's the process of thinking and writing that's most important.
- A journal is also a good way to reflect on your past. For example, how has your upbringing contributed to how you react to the world around you? Think back on your life as a child between the ages of 5 and 10. Write down anything that seems important. Your journal will help you connect the dots.
- Spend time with animals. Dogs and cats can be tremendously helpful during stressful moments. There's nothing better than a nonjudgmental furry friend to hug and talk to. Talk out your concerns with your pet around––they won't tell you to pull your socks up or make unhelpful suggestions. Indeed, you'll find them hanging off your every word and if you stroke them at the same time, your heart rate will come down and you'll feel more at peace with the world again.
- Can't find a real animal at home? Sometimes a stuffed pet can be just as useful. Or visit the zoo, a nature park, aquarium or a local wildlife reserve. Just seeing animals go about their daily business can be extremely calming.
- Immerse yourself in a hobby. If you like drawing, draw! If you like taking pictures, do it! Just do whatever you really find yourself easily immersed in, the thing that you lose track of time doing. Hobbies are a great way to charge your batteries, lose touch with your worries and resurface feeling whole again.
- Do something indulgent, unrelated to what's bothering you and calm-inducing. Here are some easy things to help reduce stress:
- Read a book
- Watch a movie
- Take a bath
- Make some tea
- Work in the garden
- Take a walk around the neighborhood
- Scream and shout! A short outburst might help restore calm. Don't overdo this though––too much venting is bad for you and should not take place of calming techniques.
- Hug a tree.
- Try pausing before reacting and breathing before speaking.
- If you can not control your emotions at all, seek professional help through a psychologist.
- If you work in a stressful environment, ask your employer to offer anger management courses.
- When a chaotic event or person confronts you, do not immediately react. Instead, visualize the word "calm" and repeat it internally three times before reacting calmly.
- When you get angry it's likely that you can't see around you any more. Therefore, you have to take advantage of the moment where things start to turn around; instead of carrying on with your anger, breathe very deeply and walk away from the place, try to focus on positive things.
- To stop the anger attacks that take you over because of the smallest mistakes, convince yourself that you don't care about the mistake––instead, you care about what you've learned from it and you prepare yourself to do things differently next time.
- You're not always going to get your way, so don't expect to. Don't plan on everything to come out perfectly.
- Get some fresh air. Step outside, open a window, it doesn't matter as long as you get it.
Edit Warnings
- Be steady and think twice before you do anything in haste. Calm is steadiness.
- Be careful not to take out your anger on others. You'll regret it once you are back to feeling good.
- Don't break anything like antiques or things that you feel are important to you.
- Never harm yourself or others even if you're really angry. Go somewhere to calm down alone instead. If you are so enraged that you can't cope, check yourself into the emergency ward of a hospital for immediate assistance.
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